and after reading this book, no it was a surprise occurrence while reading a paragraph in the book
me on our front porch
where a switch flipped and i could not see my life without a baby
i couldn't see another 14 yrs of marriage without one
and now
now that she is here
it is dreamlike, which is seriously most likely the fog from lack of sleep and good nutrition that has erupted my being since her arrival, but i relish in the newness of being a mom even though it still feels surreal - i have a daughter?
though hard like i've never felt before, maybe because i long for a life of love for her and at the same time have no clue what i'm doing - or when i'm at loss for how to fix the tears despite a heart that can't stand to see her hurt, oh this empties me in a purposeful way
but had so many years of life without the love of Ms. Halle June not gone before
maybe the hardness of it all would have overwhelmed me
maybe her smile wouldn't seriously make any of my gray skies bright blue
maybe the light that is her arrival wouldn't of had such a dark hole to light up
yes, i think that is it
to the momma who knew this post was coming - maybe God didn't gift you with 14 years of life prior to your babies, maybe your married time was short before your little loves arrived... take it from a girl who could do her wants freely for far too long - the life you have with the babes while restrictive in ways, is heaven sent - it is a miracle called love and the only thing that is going to remain once all else fails... you don't see yourself as others do, so full of joy and happy and pouring into them exactly what God intends, despite any shortcomings - silence the enemy who you let speak over you way too loudly - and listen sister, i'm preaching to myself that one - he is defeated but still ruthless
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