Perfect Weight

New bedspread.
You can't tell from the pic of course, but underneath that lies the sheet with a white blanket on top and then a gray one on top of that.  On my side only, b/c C would never want that many covers.  And I don't have them for warmth - in fact I've tried to go without the top gray blanket but I just don't sleep - until I get up, put it back on and something about the weight of all 3 coverings blankets me with just the perfect weight that seems to settle me right into sleep.

That gray blanket.
Last Friday was a date nite for C and me.
Our first since Ms. Joy of My Life came on the scene.
(Her last nite b/f bed, can't help myself!)

Right before we left, C went in and grabbed the gray blanket out from under the bedspread.  We were going to a concert on a lawn and he remembered we'd need it to sit on.

One day this week as I was making the bed, truly a rare occurrence! - I noticed a few pieces of grass on the blanket still.  And something else you could never know from a picture is how those pieces reminded me of what an awful nite we had.  It started off great w/ dinner and then went south trying to park.  Who knew parking could be so dangerous.  By the time we got to the concert lawn, C pitched the blanket solo and I went to the lovelee port-a-john, glad to be by myself.  f.u.n. people, f.u.n.

Before going back, I went to get myself a drink and felt badly not bringing one back for C - so got him one too, that matched with the fact that a friend of his was at our blanket chatting - helped transition us a bit.

His friend was someone I knew only by name but had never seen before and he hung out with us until he and his little boy left the concert.  I learned he was divorced just last year.  And after he'd seen me walk up to the blanket with drinks in hand and the atmosphere now lighter, he too would of had no idea our last 15 minutes were hell.

And that is the thing with marriage - anyone can present it "all made up" - you know bed made and looks tidy.  Chad asked his friend what happened and his response... "Oh we were great in a crowd... but it wasn't great when it was just the two of us."   He shared very little really and what he did only left me with the premonition that he knew he was hard to get along with sometimes and that he still loved his ex-wife.

Life underneath the covers is not always easy.  And I've wanted to rip the weight of it off more times than I'd want anyone to know.  But I have a gut feeling, if the covers of what marriage entails were ripped off, in parts or in whole,  I'd be restless b/c the weight of it all, the beautiful and the gut-wrenchingly hard, all add up to the perfect weight for me.

I have a soft place for married people and even softer for divorced ones.  Come sweet Loving Lord and be with us all as we walk out the journey you've set before us... help us find you in it and help us... right where we are.