Mother's Day 2014

I was sitting in my office when my phone rang.

I will always remember that woman on the other end,  her name was Joy and she proceeded at about 8:30 in the morning on that Sunday to tell me that 5 of the 6 embryo eggs had fertilized!   I honestly think from the moment I heard her say her name the way she did, "Shannon, this is Joy,"  I felt in my gut, we were going to have a baby.  It was Mother's Day that morning, and the timing of that didn't sink in until shortly after the phone call.  It will be a hard Mother's day to beat.

May 11, 2014  Joy called

Jan. 9, 2015 Joy has a name...

This gift, Lord, fills me with unexplainables and scares me.  You knew it would be that way.  And the things I've prayed about these last 4 months... so different than what I'm used to... from help her poo! to tears when no milk would come, to strength to cover tiredness, so many for my body too and Lord I'm so grateful that we are 4 months in and I've been able to physical care for Halle every day!   Thank you for turning my mourning into gladness with her in ways I never could have dreamed.  It hasn't been a fast thing,  but solid as a rock it is, I can feel her existence working in deep corners of me, bringing joy, bringing healing. 

Happy 4 months today, HJ! 

Some of my favorite things have been the surprising sense of love I felt when my hand touched your toosh as I held you fresh from the womb.  It was the softest most precious moment.  Another surprise is holding you every moment since... you've never been one to just fall into my arms, you are always a bit on guard, looking around at your surroundings... unless you've just eaten or sometimes you've just woken up, then you settle in a bit more, and will rest on me.  

Sometimes, like just now, before I came out to write, you were almost asleep in your crib but your eyes were still open and you have this look that shouts wisdom to me, or no fluff, I don't know what it is, excited to be the one to see what that turns into.  If these 4 months with you are any indication, you'll grow into a strong, independent but joy giving woman.  No doubt at all that your smile will always melt my heart.  I pray God lets me mother you and then be your best friend for many years... best gift ever will be watching you be all he created you to be.