Ok... back to the reason I'm mentioning her... it was one of my first treatments and she was doing the cupping... this is where they put these suction things on your back and then tighten them somehow, I can't see what she's doing, but you feel it tightening and tightening. The first time she did it, I was nervous... b/c as a girl who previously so easily pulled back muscles, feeling that tightening was freaking me a bit... ok a lot a bit. So she left the room and there I am w/ 10 or so needles poked in my hands and feet so I can't move, well I could but it would be painful... and then 4-5 of these suction things over my back. Pulled so tightly that between them and not being able to move, my face down on the table, I was actually starting to feel claustrophobic.
And then I moved my shoulder the slightest bit, kinda without thinking about it, and when I did one of the, so tight I was getting freaked! suction cups just instantly released.
And that's when it happened. A little mini lesson that has spoken to me who knows how many times since January.
FEAR.
Fear is just like that. I mean just like that!
It will suck the ever loving life out of you... if you let it.
But if you realize that the One who lives in you is greater... and should what I fear come to pass than he agreed it to be and will mysteriously work it for good. God's ways are higher and not worth figuring out... for they promise something too great to be fathomed.
A job of guarding to do none the less. With my health fear loves to shout... "This is never going to change. Something during your surgeries has been damaged that can't be fixed, or is unfindable, and you will just have to live with it. And it will get worse with time." It tells me to give up on my dreams. And should I agree with all this nonsense, then the all bark no bite fear has won. But should I not agree. Well then... that means I believe in a Savior and Hope and that if pain be in my day then God agrees for the moment but he is the release button and at the slightest of breaths, whimsical of waves... he will push it when I've been pruned to his pleasing. Darn wish that was yesterday... but he knows. He knows.
I cleaned the toilets this evening... yep thought you needed to know that... and as I did I had my little head phones in and iTunes playing and this song, "All the Way My Savior Leads Me," was one that graced the moment. But it is other worldly to me b/c the hearing of it always reminds me of a man who's gone on. Hebrews 12 talks about a cloud of witnesses that we are surrounded by and roots us on to run our races... and when I hear this song, he comes to mind as if he is up there in that mysterious group of witnesses and whispering to me... "Be kind and carry on."
That's the encouragement I hear from him as if he were here to tell me in person. And I think God would echo that and add... "carry on with faith."
Fear and faith both ask of us to believe something unseen... choose faith. Joel Osteen.
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