Sunday, March 20, 2016

Joy Somewhere

A couple months or so back now, the feel of it caught my hand by surprise as I reached into my winter coat pocket.

This little thing is one of 16 or so pieces to a puzzle hj got as a gift for her birthday.  I didn't remember how that piece, that had only been in the family room, would have gotten into my coat pocket, but that is where it stayed until yesterday.  And yesterday b/c we were driving and I'd run out of other entertainment pieces to pass back to her and that was my final option.

I loved having that piece in my coat.  When I'd go to reach for my keys and feel it there, no matter where I was or what I was doing, little H would flood me and my heart always jumped to a lighter track.

Most evenings, I pick up halle's little play area and each time I went to put that puzzle back together it was always missing the piece from my pocket.  Which always bugged me just a bit - but like not enough to actually ever get up and go get the piece from my coat, plus I loved the random reminders it gave me from that place.

But one evening, as I put the puzzle together, that little missing piece spoke something new to my soul about how God holds the missing pieces in our lives.   Quite possibly in some place where he too gets caught off guard by its presence and receives a pleasant reminder of his child.

This visual has brought me peace down deep regarding my health.  A trust that I've not been able to have that God is in control with it all despite no answers.  That somehow my missing health is bringing joy somewhere.  It's weird but that helps me.  I don't often write about the daily grind of functioning in pain, and that is b/c just like w/ this post, when I do, it never seems to paint a true picture, it just comes across too light and jovial for me when the reality has been so frustrating at times I want to give up.  And this all just sounds like complaining to me, but today, I write anyway - b/c that little piece gone missing idea brings me hope that God really does see and quite possibly holds every ounce of my missing health in his very hands... and if that's where it is then it could quite possibly, in his mercy, find it's way back to me...

and last nite, when I handed that piece to h, she never could have known that it made me sad to see my lovelee reminder of her go... and it made me hopeful, that in just an unassuming, and for no real special reason way as that occurred, my time for God to hand me back my health may very well be soon too, he may just be reminded of it and reach in his storehouse and pull out healing to the uttermost and say to my angel, take that to her... maybe it will make him sad too b/c from his viewpoint carrying it with him has brought him joy

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