Crying, Cursing, Believing, Resting

I hadn't been at my day for 2 hours before my husband left for work and before doing so he witnessed a mini meltdown from me in my work chair.  Sometimes, most times, when I'm frustrated, I show it with a crap butt attitude and voice to match, other times like today, I cry.

I carried on through a busy work day and stuffed emotions where possible, but they came out here and there.  Real well when I stopped and wrote a bit...

you hafta wanna either kick my ass to the curb for complaining so
or kick it for not doing anything about it
i overwhelm my own self.. my complaining or crying out only you know what it is... to me it is heavy and "in everything give thanks" makes me curse in my heart and today i mock my own faith

i was listening to pandora after work while working in the kitchen and the song "Christ is Enough" by Hillsong played...  the lyrics drew me from the kitchen into my office where the music was - and I welcomed the ability to sing... declare is what it is on a day like today... declare, he is enough

i don't want to be trite in saying, Easter is Sunday... it doesn't fit the bill for what I mean, which is Christ, thank God, is enough for me...

i know if you don't exist, in the goodness I believe you are, then there is no hope for me, i'm uncovered - i ask for grace that you'd show me again you Cover, as the blanket billows up, pierce my doubt... as it slowly falls towards me, pave the path of clarity, as it touches my skin, circumcise my heart... as it stills to a full stop over me... let every cell in me from that moment forth celebrate you & sing w/ heaven it.is.finished

There is a refrain in this song that says, "I have decided to follow Jesus..." how amazing that there is a Jesus to follow.  I free myself from accusations of how to follow and let a blanket of faith cover me as I trust him to always being enough.